Shanghaied!

Holy shit! New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin has been captured by China men! Poor Ray can't even use the phone to call and check up on the latest city council bickering!

Now we are being told the mayor will be detained "indefinitely," and maybe even eaten, if we do not give them the secret of how to grow women with normal sized breasts! Those insidious oriental bastards! No one in New Orleans is normal in any way! Nagin is doomed!

Too Drunk To Name This Crap

I was sitting there at the JFJ (Junkies For Jesus) Club, watching the kids of some chick I was planning on slipping the bone to later, when it hit me! I don't mean another one of my brilliant ideas. It was a fucking bottle that bounced off my head. I looked up and, wiping the blood out of my eyes, saw the fat slob at the end of the bar giggling like a little bitch.

"You think that shit was funny, Bubba," I asked, reaching for my 38.

"How did you know my name was Bubba," he said, seeming not to notice the bullet that just missed his fat head. That's when I knew the guy really was a "Bubba."

You see, down here we have this class of people who think it is a good thing to all go by the same fucking stupid name. It would be kinda like if everyone in Kentucky went by "Hick." These goofs are fucking everywhere, and they are all dumb as fucking dog shit. Eeven worse, it is pointless to kill the mother fuckers because as soon as you do another one just springs up to infect your environment with his stupidity.

Instead of killing him I decided to have some fun with him instead. I laughed and told him how cool he was, and how much I enjoyed being hit in the

fucking head by a bottle. Then I asked him if he needed a job. Since no Bubba can ever hold a regular job, they are always willing to do something menial task in order to get money for beer and spank mags. He was all for it.

I told him all he had to do was deliver a package to the Jefferson Parish PD for me. He nodded, I slipped him a fin, and off he went.

Don't think I really sent live kids wrapped in cellophane off with a retard. They were already dead when I put them in the box.

 

 

SHEWEE - THE OFFICIAL HOME OF SHEWEE THE PORTABLE URINATING DEVICE FOR WOMEN

http://www.shewee.com/index.html
Wow!

Auto-Erotic Retardation

This shit with the Kung Fu guy has me thinking. If not being able to breathe is such a fucking turn on, then why aren't people with asthma always happy?

I just don't get this kind of shit. When I want to bust a nut I go out and look for somebody who has a pussy. It never occurs to me to go to the hardware store for some rope (unless the chick donating the poon has sharp nails). What the fuck kind of moron would rather sit in a room alone with a rope wrapped around his dick than fuck a pussy?

 

 

Dick + pussy = ejaculation.

 

 

 

 

Dick + rope = retarded

You wouldn't think I'd have to point out that a pussy just might be better than a fucking rope considering pussy is better than EVERYTHING.

On a brighter note, New Orleans is still Murder Capitol of the USA! We're down one murder from this time last year, but that was only because I was too drunk to catch that jogger the other day. Keep up the good work N.O.!!

Easter Snag

What the fuck?!! Do you have any idea how many people still have VCR players?! Shit! I can't even trade one of those things for a fucking six pack! By next Easter you all better have fucking Blue Ray or you won't get the melted chocolate and plastic grass! You fuckers think I'm doing this Easter shit for my fucking health? You think I like having to pollute my eyes with the sight of your cheap ass living rooms? Take your fucking Wal-Mart prints and water sculptures and shove them up your fucking asses! Next year have some shit worth stealing or there won't be a fucking Easter, bitches!

New Easter Tradition!

The other day some jackass tried to charge me six fucking bucks for a pack of smokes, so I shot him in the face and stole all of the cartons he had in his shitty ass store. What does this have to do with Easter, you ask? Well for one thing, I'M THE FUCKING EASTER BUNNY AND WHATEVER I SAY EASTER IS ABOUT IS FUCKING WHAT IT'S FUCKING ABOUT! But if you must know, it means this year, instead of those lousy chocolate eggs, everyone will be getting Luckies and Camels in their Easter baskets! Surprise! There is nothing kids like better than taking a nice long drag off of an unfiltered Pall Mall, and it's even better if the butt was stolen from some dead guy!

Of course, several random plastic eggs will still contain the usual prizes of vomit, dead rodent parts, and human shit. What would Easter be without that?! And of course, I'll be taking the time while I'm out there on the bunny trail to bestow some special bunny favors on some of your mommies. If you think your mom isn't a big nasty beast and is the kind of person who would never share any Easter secrets with daddy, then send me a picture and I might pencil the bitch in!

Hey! I just thought of something! These cigarettes might be even more of a surprise if I smoked most of them before dumping them in your baskets! That way you'd have to dig through the slimy butts to find your prize and lighting up! Talk about Easter fun!!!!!!!!

Fish Fry!

I ain't a racist, but these fuckers from Innsmouth have fucking got to go! Who the fuck wants a bunch of smelly fish people going around trying to fuck everybody?! DO NOT MATE WITH THE FISH MEN! Fish babies stink, and it is pointless to try to make some green by kidnapping the little fuckers because nobody wants them back!

And these guys take forever to piss! If you ever

got caught in line behind one at a public urinal you know what I mean! Just yesterday I was behind a particularly ugly fish guy who took so long draining whatever it is those freaks use for dicks that I ended up pissing all over his ass. FUCK THE FISH MEN!$#&#^%$&&^#&^!!!!!!!