The Wolfman

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Horror

I'm just glad people are making werewolf movies again where the werewolf isn't a just fucking big dog. Who the fuck wants to see that? When I see a werewolf movie I want to see a hairy guy with fangs who has hands so he can open doors and shit. When special effects advanced to the point where you could have a guy turn into a wolf, everybody jumped on the band wagon and made movies where guys drop down on all fours and grow tails. You got a lot of cool transformation scenes, but boring werewolves.
While this film ain't perfect, it does give us a werewolf who can kick some serious ass. It takes more than a dog catcher to slow this dude down.

Ouija Outrage!

Rating:
Category:	Other

People are actually tripping out over Hasbro's new gay ass pink ouija board. They say ouija boards are portals to hell, and that they are scary and dangerous. GET A FUCKING CLUE! You ain't going to find the fucking gateway to hell with a Hasbro logo on it, dumb ass! This shit is fucking mass produced! Whatever happened to the days when people had to search for years, and offer up the hearts of babies and shit to get spooky occult powers? Now you're telling me can find it all on the shelf at fucking Walmart?!
The only weird mystery here is that somebody found a way to get people to pay for a piece of plastic and a board. "Hey look! It does nothing at all! You push the plastic thing around with your fingers and pretend you are talking to ghosts! I'll take twenty of 'em!" Fucking morons!

Twilight "novels" and movies

Rating:
Category:	Other

What the hell is this crap? Who the hell thought it was a good idea to make books and movies about horror characters that aren't scary? They might as well make a movie about Count Chocula. Get this, mother fuckers, vampires are supposed to be nasty ass dead things that sleep in fucking piles of dirt and drink blood. Nobody should want to fucking meet one, and nobody should ever want to be one! You want to see glittery pasty faced emo boys, go to a fucking gay bar!

Oral Roberts

Rating:
Category:	Other

God wants a refund, mother fucker!

War!

Why is it this ass clown gets all the good press? The guy is a fucking amateur! He sucks! This goof is so doped up on shit he can't even get his dick hard unless he is getting jerked off by one of those freaky midgets he hangs with!

 FUCK YOU, SANTA! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BITCH!

Last year I tried to make peace with the guy, if only for the sake of business. What does he do? He

comes down here and stinks up the place with his shitty ass Christmas bullshit! Half the pussy on Bourbon smells like fucking gingerbread now thanks to that ass hole! I fucking HATE gingerbread!!!

And on top of that, the guy

doesn't even like pussy! He's a fucking queer! He just went around shoving his candy cane into the local snatch so it would be ruined for me! Who the hell wants to bang a chick Santa has been in?! He's had that dick in those dogs he likes to pretend are flying deer! He even tried to bust a cap in the guy who distributes crack- laden smokes outside of the grade schools for me! This time I'm going all out ostfront on his ass! This time it's war!

Tiger's Wood

So Tiger Woods went out and got himself some strange. Big fucking deal! I don't get why these entertainment and sports types feel the need to issue a statement saying how fucking sorry they are every time they get busted. How about just telling People Magazine and the rest of the vultures to fuck off? Why is it the public thinks they have the right to be all up in a mother fucker's business just because he made a movie or hit a home run? If somebody came up to me and expected me to apologise every time I screwed a bitch my standard response would be to kick them in the fucking head!

Now hear this! From now on all celebrities will stop being pussies and start telling the

press to fuck off and mind their own fucking business!

Fucking wimpy ass celebrities!

Gay Marriage

How would I solve the gay marriage issue? I'd fucking outlaw marriage! If two homos want to screw up their lives by getting married who am I to get involved? It blows my mind there are freaks who sit up at night with their Bibles worrying about this shit. For me the real question we should be asking is why should anyone get married. You're a moron and you wanna be married, then you're married. Why go out and pay somebody else to tell you you are? That marriage shit is all just a state of mind, a delusion suffered by people afraid they might not find somebody else dumb enough to fuck them. You don't need the fucking government for that kind of shit.

And remember, folks GOD HATES YOU!