The New Facebook

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Shit sucks just as much as the old Facebook. I still don't get how a site where you can't even do half the shit you could on Yahoo 360 became the most popular joint on the web.

Easter Joy!

Argh! Another Easter! I hope you fuck wads appreciate all the work I put into this shit every year. Do any of you have any fucking idea how hard it is to color rattlesnake eggs? And then  there's the problem of making sure they don't fucking hatch before I drop them off for your family to enjoy. I think next year I'm going back to filling those plastic eggs with shit. Fuck rattlesnakes!

Christmas Cheer

Hoe,Hoe,Hoe. Another Christmas. I.m so excited. Maybe I'll get one of those phones that does everything but make calls. I hate Christmas!!!!!! At least I can have some fun mugging holiday shoppers.

Black Friday And Other Horrors!

 What's with all this Black Friday shit? It just amazes me how easily people are duped when they think they might save a buck on some shit they didn't even need in the first place. People go out and wait in line all night to get in on these sales. They camp out in the parking lot at Walmart, ready to slit the throat of anybody who tries to jump line. By the time it's all over they spent eight fucking hours waiting in line. Now if you think about it, if they had spent that same time at work they would have been paid for it, and in most cases thay would have been paid more than what they saved in the stupid sale. So did they really save anything by waiting?
 The best way to save on Xmas shopping is to go out and invest in a rod and use it to make some withdraws. Or better yet, use it to shut up anybody who asks you for a fucking gift.

Halloween Horrors!

It's almost that time again. Pretty soon a horde of snotty little kids will brave the ten foot wall and acid moat to knock on my door and hit me up for some crappy treats. I HATE KIDS! Still, the ones who make it past the wolves and Punjab sticks sometimes can prove useful as pawns in my criminal enterprises. At thye very least I can sell them as slaves or part them out to medical labs. As usual, I'll be giving out cigarettes and hypodermic needles, so if you are a kid, and you're not afraid of land mines and vicious rabid beasts, stop on by.

The Easter Bunny On Aging

Can anybody tell me why the fuck Yoko Ono looks better in her 70s than she did at 35? There's gotta be some kind of weird voodoo shit going on there. It can't even be all of those millions in the bank that's doing it. If that were the case George Lucas would look like a teenager. Nope, it's gotta be voodoo.

     I'm an immortal Easter Bunny, so I've been around for awhile. I've seen a lot of mother fuckers come and go. In general, people just don't age as

fast as they used to age. Today, a broad of 60 looks like a broad of 35 would have looked 30 years ago. It used to be by the time they were 40 they were putting their hair up in a bun and keeping their teeth in a jar at night. These days the only ones who look their age are the drunks.

    On the flip side, girls are sprouting boobs earlier. By the time most of them hit 14 they look like full grown women. It's getting so you can't tell the 14 and the 40 year olds apart! What does this mean? It means that, because chicks look better longer, they accumulate a lot more miles on the cat. Guys hit it earlier, more often and longer. So, even though they might look OK, you still have to trade them in just as often as you did before. Hell, with so many decent looking chicks out there it's almost your duty to get to as many of them as you can.

Spaced Out

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

There's nothing worse than a damn alien from outer space! I hate those guys! They're even worse than zombies! That's why I really hate shit like ET or any other movie where you have cute friendly aliens. Aliens ain't cute and the sure as hell ain't friendly! Most of them are amorphous blobs of foul smelling goo with no other goals than to mate with earth women and to impersonate political figures. I can handle the whole replacing our politicians with alien duplicates thing, but I don't dig them stinking up my women! Ever been with a chick after she's screwed an alien? Well let me tell you, it ain't a good experience! I'm still sore form the time one tried to impregnate me with that space seed shit an alien implanted in her!

Do your part! Kill and flush an alien today!!!