Internet Piracy

Boo,hoo,hoo! The evil internet is stealing all of the poor widdle entertainment industry's movies! Cry me a fucking river! I just saw a bunch of movies at Big Lots for three fucking bucks. If the entertainment industry was really worried about who paid for their shitty movies they would have bought the shit back from Walmart before they let the discount stores get it. Shit, anybody who has a TV and a VCR and can press "record" can have any fucking movie they fucking want. If somebody wants to see a movie bad enough they'll pay to see it in a theater or buy a fucking DVD. Most of the shit that gets downloaded is shit people only bother with because it is free. if they didn't download it they would wait until a pal recorded the shit off of cable. They really don't loose shit. You clowns want to shut down the internet over this shit? How about raiding the fucking library where anyone can check out movies for free? It's all just more bullshit so the man can take control. Fuck them!

 

Why Blacks Hip And Hop

I asked a black pal of mine why so many blacks these days seem to have lost all sense of cool. How is it, I wondered, that the guys who gave us Hendrix, Chuck Berry, and Cab Calloway now give us "sampling" and baggy pants?

He just punched me in the gut (he does shit like that) and laughed. "The black man invented Jazz,"he said. "Then we invented Rock and Roll. We gave the world some of the best musicians and the coolest mother fuckers who ever lived. What happened? Shit like Elvis happened! Bo and Chuck come up with some shit and the hillbilly white boy steals it and makes it big! For generations white people have been putting us down while stealing our shit and pretending it was all their idea in the first fucking place."

I started to add my two cents and took another one to the gut.

"Anyway," he continued "white people have no idea what the fuck cool is. Look at the shit they came up with that didn't start with us." I thought of disco and that whole urban cowboy thing and nodded in agreement as I inched my way toward the bottle of Thunderbird under his chair.

"Well one day we just decided it would be funny to throw some stupid shit out there just so we could laugh when whitey started copying us. Sure enough all the white kids started wearing their pants around their ankles and paying good money for songs with no music. Fuck! We got bothers making millions who couldn't even tap out the alphabet song with a spoon."

His foot came down on my paw just as I grabbed the bottle. His other heel came down hard on the back of my head. As the room started to spin I thought of all the white kids running around wearing backwards ball caps with the price tag still hanging off them. I had to admit, the plan had worked. I coughed up a blob of blood staggered out to the Bunnymobile to get my rod. Yep. The fucker was still loaded and ready to make some holes. This would be the last time I'd get kicked in the fucking head!

Then I heard it. Shit! he'd found my fucking guitar and had started to jam. And I'm talking about the coolest fucking riffs this side of Bo Diddley. Damn. He always pulled that shit. I put the gun back in the glovebox and found my cell. I got more free pussy from hanging out with that guy when he played like that than I did hanging out with Dan The Coke Man. Sometimes you just gotta take your lumps.

Fatty's New Crib

Ugh! Fatty got evicted again (something to do with rampant homosex on the front lawn), so he had to relocate. When he invited me over to his new crib I was expecting the usual roofless trailer or abandoned boxcar. What I found was this:The guy has these things all over the fucking place! I suppose the fact his new residence is the restroom at The Blow An Go Bar And Grill might have something to do with it. Yep. Fatty now lives in the john at a gay bar. He claims the rent is cheap and he gets to eat for free. I noticed he still ha a little of his "lunch" on his chin, and felt a little sick.

While Fatty was showing me his milk carton collection (he likes the ones with the pictures of the missing children), two guys came in and started blowing each other right in front of us.

Now here's the part that pissed me off. Right in the middle of their little freak-fest these guys decided to stop and lecture me on intolerance. Fuck! Like it was my fault I puked. These jackasses need to learn there is a difference between disgust and discrimination. Nobody was infringing on their fucking rights. Nobody said they didn't have the right to suck each other off like a couple of pre-schoolers at a lolly pop convention. I just said, via vomit, that they were nasty. I would have had the same reaction watching a guy eat brussel sprouts and nobody would have said I was trying to oppress him.

Do I think two guys going to town on each others meat poles is disgusting? Yep. It is pretty sick. Do I hate them for it? Nope, at least not more than I hate anybody else.

As if to prove my point, a guy came in and offered to toss Fatty's salad, causing me and the two blow buddies to gag. One of them even looked like he was going to pass out. See! They didn't hate Fatty, but they, like most people, thought the idea of someone having any kind of sexual contact with him was pretty foul.

I will never go to Fatty's crib again.

He Know When You Are Sleeping

Anybody else getting creeped out by all this technology shit? It used to be a guy could just vanish if he felt like it, and he couldpretty much do it in plain sight. These days if you wanted to go underground, you'd literally have to start digging.

Thanks to the wonderful world of technology, everybody knows everything about everybody, and people actually like this! Facebook is especially creepy. The other day I was on there, looking for lonely housewives to violate, when a new button popped up. It was the "Tell everybody where the fuck you are" feature. Now why the fuck would I want anybody to know where the hell I am, or what I'm doing? Sure, why not just call the cops to come pick me up. The amazing thing is there are plenty of doofuses who push that button. I've seen guys on there who check in with facebook if they stop somewhere to take a shit. Some guy banged your old lady and stole your dope? Just check his Facebook page to see where you are going to kill him.Next they'll be adding an "Armed or Unarmed" button just so we'll all know who is packing heat.

With two fucking thirds of all Americans plugged in to this shit, do you really want to broadcast your location at all times? It's bad enough people post pictures of the expensive shit they buy and their hot teen age daughters. Telling the burglars and rapists when you aren't there home to guard it all is like putting up a billboard asking them to come over. You may as well throw your big screen TV in the lawn with your naked daughter tied to it. They can even use your hand truck to haul it off since you probably posted where it is.

It's bad enough Big Brother is watching. Do you really want me to always know where you are too?

New Batman Trailer And Other Horrors!

   Ha! I just saw the trailer for that Dark Knight Rises movie that's coming out next year, and let me tell you, IT SUCKS!!! First of all it has none of the same cast as the last picture. Having spent the entire budget on drinks for the crew, they had to go with a bunch of no-name actors. They did have a few top stars, but these guys were all actually dead, so I don't expect too much drama from them.

I couldn't believe the shit I was seeing when I pulled up the bootleg video on that top secret website yesterday! For one thing Batman is wearing some shitty thing with mouse ears and it looks like he has tits! I'm not sure who the fuck that is playing him, but it looks a little like Chas Bono.

Catwoman is played by a chick in an old Ben Cooper Halloween mask they must have found in some body's attic. Bitch doesn't even have a tail! Halfway through the thing the string on her mask broke and everybody pretended not to notice while she pranced around making stupid ass cat quips. In one scene she made Batman vomit by feeding a live mouse to her crotch, and then kicked him in the balls until he pissed himself. (OK, that part was actually kinda cool.)

And instead of the Joker, who was played by a guy who is now dead, we get "Bela Lugosi, Master of Horror," a dead actor played by a cardboard cutout. That's right, in this film Batman fights a poster of Dracula.

At one point "The Master of Horror" teams up with Frankenberry. I guess they figured if they kept referring to Frankenberry as Bane people wouldn't notice Batman was fighting a cereal mascot.

Either Nolan has gone nuts, or this is some kind of trick to fool those of us who want a peek at this shit before it comes out. I've heard that Nolan guy lives to fuck with people who try to figure out what he is up to. Maybe the actual film will be nothing like this. Maybe the real film will feature Count Chocula.

 

psssst   http://www.videobb.com/watch_video.php?v=jVlQ45tv9jV0

Fatty and Pam, A Love Story

Fatty and Pam don't hang out here anymore, so I can say all kinds of horrible shit about them without them stinking up my beautiful comments section with their lameness. For those of you who don't remember, Fatty and Pam were two characters who used to pollute this site after Yahoo360 got flushed. Masquerading as humans, they would post sappy comments in an attempt to lure in innocents for their depraved sex games. The few who remember these fiends might recall that they were madly in love. What you may not know is Fatty and Pam were brother and sister! Even weirder, Fatty was the sister!

 For several years they haunted this and other social networks, leaving a trail of ruined lives in their wake, until one day Fatty died while performing weird ritualistic rooster sex with crippled farm boys. Distraught, Pam allowed herself to be violated by a rhino, drowning in a flood of rhino jiz.

If anyone can think of any other dead people I can talk shit about, please let me know. It gets boring hiding in this tub while I wait for this poon stench to wear off.

 

The Stench Of Doom!

Ugh! Ever get stuck with that nasty lingering bad poon stench? You know, the kind of stink you just can't get out of your fur no matter how much Old Spice you pour on yourself. I am The Easter Bunny, and this is my story.

Last night, being short on funds and badly in need of some juice to make the marching band in my head stop playing, I decided to embark on a spree of home invasions. Usually this gets me a few bucks, but this time was different. This time I got a little more.

It was a joint on Adams just a few blocks from the river. I figured I could hit it and shoot down River Road to WalMart where I'd trade my goods to my pal, Marty for cash. It should have been a breeze. What I didn't know was SHE was home. By SHE, I mean 5 feet and three inches of TNT in a pair of Spider-Man slippers and nothing else. Yep. As soon as I crawled in the window she was there waiting for me. Unlike most folk, she didn't seem too distressed to see a snarling 6 foot bunny with a 38 appear in her bedroom. She actually seemed pretty pleased. Maybe the 45 in her hand had something to do with it. She had the drop on me, and I knew it. I was fucked. And then I was fucked again. And again. And again.

Normally I don't mind being raped at gun point by a hot chick, but this particular chick had one little problem. SHE SMELLED LIKE SHIT! I mean this bitch was fucking rank! As soon as she spread her gams the room was filled with an unholy stench that made me long for the comparatively fresh air of a porta-potty on a hot summer day. My nostrils were burning and my eyes were full of tears. I felt like I'd been snorting mustard gas.

Finally, she went to the can to drain herself and I made my escape. I was free, only she'd left me with a special gift. I now smell like a vat of rotten tuna and I can't fucking stand it! Worse, I'm worried she'll use the stench to track me back to my lair and make me hit it again! NO! NO! DON'T MAKE ME EAT IT! ARGHHHHHH!