The other day some jackass tried to charge me six fucking bucks for a pack of smokes, so I shot him in the face and stole all of the cartons he had in his shitty ass store. What does this have to do with Easter, you ask? Well for one thing, I'M THE FUCKING EASTER BUNNY AND WHATEVER I SAY EASTER IS ABOUT IS FUCKING WHAT IT'S FUCKING ABOUT! But if you must know, it means this year, instead of those lousy chocolate eggs, everyone will be getting Luckies and Camels in their Easter baskets! Surprise! There is nothing kids like better than taking a nice long drag off of an unfiltered Pall Mall, and it's even better if the butt was stolen from some dead guy!
Of course, several random plastic eggs will still contain the usual prizes of vomit, dead rodent parts, and human shit. What would Easter be without that?! And of course, I'll be taking the time while I'm out there on the bunny trail to bestow some special bunny favors on some of your mommies. If you think your mom isn't a big nasty beast and is the kind of person who would never share any Easter secrets with daddy, then send me a picture and I might pencil the bitch in!
Hey! I just thought of something! These cigarettes might be even more of a surprise if I smoked most of them before dumping them in your baskets! That way you'd have to dig through the slimy butts to find your prize and lighting up! Talk about Easter fun!!!!!!!!