Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Why is it this ass clown gets all the good press? The guy is a fucking amateur! He sucks! This goof is so doped up on shit he can't even get his dick hard unless he is getting jerked off by one of those freaky midgets he hangs with!
FUCK YOU, SANTA! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BITCH!doesn't even like pussy! He's a fucking queer! He just went around shoving his candy cane into the local snatch so it would be ruined for me! Who the hell wants to bang a chick Santa has been in?! He's had that dick in those dogs he likes to pretend are flying deer! He even tried to bust a cap in the guy who distributes crack- laden smokes outside of the grade schools for me! This time I'm going all out ostfront on his ass! This time it's war!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Fucking wimpy ass celebrities!
Monday, November 30, 2009
And remember, folks GOD HATES YOU!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
You are poor. You are already using government social programs to survive. You are a leech and a dumb ass.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
One day the Easter Bunny was drunk and looking to get up on one of his favorite hoes. The only problem was he still wasn't fucked up enough to do his thing. His stash box being empty, he wandered out into the cold dark night in search of some shit that would get him fucked up for real.
His quest led him to the funky ass lab where they do all the experiments on the helpless little mice. There he found some glowing juice that tasted like it had been strained out of a dead hooker's twat, but did the trick. The Bunny was flying high! Feeling better, he headed off to hunt down some poon.
He found it on Royal, and had her all striped down and ready for action when something strange and magical happened. As the Bunny reached for his zipper, he began to shrink. Within seconds he was no bigger than a fucking action figure. Seeing those giant boobs he dove right in.
Sadly he was crushed between the monstrous mams, and never made it to the caverns below. He woke up about ten hours later in a holding cell, restored to full size, but feeling like somebody had stuffed his head with shit and heated it up.
The moral of the tale? BOOB DAY FUCKING SUCKS!!!!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
That's what I get for buying cheap tires. I've been getting tires for the Bunnymobile for years at Big T's, this little hole in the wall joint, for years. Why pay fucking 75 bucks for a tire when you can pay $25? Sure, they didn't always have that much tred on them, and God only knows where the fuck they came from, but the shit was cheap, and they slapped 'em on fast.
Today I had a blow out. Even worse, my fucking spare was flat. I borrowed a car from one of my hoes, tossed the tire in the trunk, and headed for Big T's. After getting my new wheel, I headed back to the Bunnymobile where I noticed the other front tire looked worse than the one that had popped. I decided to head back to T's.
I figured I was lucky I made it there, since chunks of the tire were falling off as I pulled into the patch of dirt that passed for T's parking lot. WIthin minutes the Bunnymobile was jacked up and the tire was inside being pulled from the rim.
I barely had time to light a smoke when one of the guys started shouting some shit about a fire. I watched as one guy made a lame attempt to spray the shit with a hose, and another guy tried the fire extinguisher. That all stopped when the flames went as high as the roof. It only took minutes for the whole joint to be engulfed in flames, and it was spreading to the trees the shack was nestled in between.
I pointed out to one of the guys that it might be a good idea to put a tire on my fucking car so I could get it out of there, but he just shrugged and reminded me my rim, and all of the tires were in the middle of the blaze. I'd have to make it out on my flat ass spare. I pulled it out of the trunk and tossed it to the guy who started hitting the lugs with the air gun. Just then an air compressor in the building blew, shooting fire at us.
"Get in your car," he shouted, jumping back, the lug nuts barely on. He didn't need to tell me twice. I put it in reverse and limped out of there, trying hard to move fast without tearing the spare off the rim.
Turns out there is another used tire joint right across the street, and it also turns out they are even cheaper. I could have been getting my tires for $20 instead of $25!!!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
And it really pisses me off that nobody put their fucking pumpkins out early this year! Every year I get a kick out of going around and filling all of the jack'o lanterns with shit, but this year there fucking weren't any! Selfish bastards! At least I had fun playing Beat and Rob the Tourist down in the Quarter. The one good thing about Halloween is everybody down there is wearing masks, so I don't have to put as much effort into disguising myself as a human before I knock off the jerks from up north. All I have to do is put on a lousy mask, and I'm good to go.
Monday, October 26, 2009
We got kids eating candy that makes them puke up bloody chocolate before they die, and all kinds of cool shit like that. And then there is this freaky ass little fucker with a sack over his head who really kicks ass! This guy makes Mike Meyers look like a fucking pussy and he's only about four feet tall.
I recommend seeing it while some chick gives you a blow job, but that pretty much goes for all movies.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Here's an idea. Why not take all the money and resources and use it to bust some mother fuckers who are out raping kids right now? Stupid fucks.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
1) go on a murder spree that some how involves all of these garden gnomes I've stolen over the years
3) break into random cars and plant things like spank mags, used condoms and roaches4) drop live kittens off the overpass onto unsuspecting motorists and see if anyone pays attention "Let me out!" sex slave collection