Saturday, February 28, 2009

Mardi Gras Madness!

I can almost stand up now. What fucking day is it anyway? Fuck! The last thing I remember was hanging with this chick I met somewhere Magazine Street.

I think I screwed her, and then I seem to remember screwing somebody else. I don't remember puking, but I had the shit all over my fucking fur when I came to and pulled myself out of that dumpster, so I guess I did. Unless that puke was somebody else's. Fuck.

I remember smoking a joint with Frankenstein and something that looked a little like an extra gay Mickey Mouse, and I think I fucked them both too. Not real sure about that shit though. There was something about a big freaky ass bird that ate circus animals and shit in people's

hurricanes, but that might have just been the acid.

Only about seven people got shot at the parades this year, so I must have passed out early. If anyone knows anything about what else I might have done between Tuesday and now DON'T FUCKING TELL ME! I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO KNOW!!!!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Public Service Announcement

If ever you go to the parades DO NOT BUY A HOT DOG FROM A CLOWN!!!!

I fucked up and got a fucking hot dog Friday and

spent the next day chained to the fucking toilet! It was pure hell as my fucking guts poured out of my ass non-stop for 24 fucking hours! The only bright spot is the fun I'm going to have shoving those hot dogs up the clown's ass once I track him down.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Life Still Sucks!

Today I went into the Yoko Japanese joint on Williams Blvd, and before I could launch into my usual "Thanks for breaking up the Beatles" routine, I had a fucking 45 in my fucking face! Seems Lam Chow, who runs the dive, was still a little sore about me stuffing his fortune cookies with porn.

I managed to ditch Lam before he did a Moby Dick on my face and gave me a new hole to breathe through, but while I was gone the fucking tourists I had captured at the parades last week end escaped! Fuck! That's what I get for feeding the mother fuckers! Now I'm gonna have to wait until the next parade to get some more sex slaves!!! Even worse, that means I'm going to have to steal some more shitty beads to use as bait. Tourists love shitty Mardi Gras beads.

I could always put on my organ grinder act. It's amazing how many people will follow you into a dark alley if they think you're a monkey in a funny

costume. The sick thing is, most of them are doing it because they want sex. Twisted ass monkey fuckers! Those are the ones I part out to the medical labs. You should NEVER use a monkey fucker for a sex slave!


Friday The 13th

Genre: Horror
Not a remake of the original Friday the 13th, but of the shit that came after it, which is great since now people who want to see naked teens get chopped up by a freak in a hockey mask don't have to sit through eight poorly made duds. Now you can get all the good parts in one nice bloody package! Kinda like banging that hot hoe next door while she's on the rag!