Yawn!

Time to bitch some more about Facebook being the only thing left that anybody fucking looks at anymore. it's like the fucking Walmart of the internet. It's like Yahoo 360 stripped of any measure of creativity. People used to put some effort into writing blogs, but now it's all about recording your trivial lives in quick, easy to digest quips. It's like they took the worst, most boring aspects of this social network shit and made it the whole focus.

I have no interest in sharing the details of my morning puke, or the contents of my fucking mailbox on any particular day. Who fucking cares how the fuck some guy they either don't know, or know well enough to have  just called the mother fucker on the phone, is doing? And if your life is interesting enough to merit a daily report of the details, you can't post it anyway because Facebook doesn't allow pictures of donkey on midget sex orgy fun. Fuck them!

Another One Bites The Dust

Bye,bye Multiply. Looks like shitty ass Facebook is the only site people know how to use these days. People seem to go for lame ass message boards over blogs and other fun shit.

Shooting Batman

Why is it evey time some nut ball looses the pin that holds his brains in and takes out a bunch of people everyone wants to put society on lock down? One guy in Siberia goes on a rampage, and suddenly they are frisking little kids in Batman masks in Atlanta. The guy who did it is in jail. It's over. We don't need the metal detectors at the box office.

People don't like to think other people just do shit for no good reason. They like to connect dots that aren't there and end up making bars for everyone else to live behind. The guy used guns, so they say his ability to get guns caused it all and we need to ban them. He did it at a Batman movie, so they say Batman movies inspire insanity and should be banned. I HATE BANNERS! STOP TRYING TO BAN SHIT!

If the guy didn't have guns he could have crashed a truck into the lobby or set the whole fucking place on fire. He could have got a job there and slipped some rat poison in the popcorn butter.

And as for action movies inspiring maddness, let's look at the stats. Millions of people go to see these Batman movies. Millions. Even if one guy was inspired by one of the films to go on a kill spree, that's still one guy out of millions. Maybe it has more to do with that one guy than it does the fucking movie. Besides, chances are this guy didn't go screwy because he liked hated Batman. Chances are he decided to shoot up a Batman movie because Batman is popular and attaching his crime to The Dark Knight Rises would get him plenty of attention. Everybody wants to be part of a winning team, even mad killers. Regan didn't get shot because the Hinkley hated his politics. Lennon didn't get shot because Chapman got hives when he listened to Imagine. These guys targeted them because they were important to other people. They did it for attention. Right now the most popular guy around happens to be a fictional character, so the guy had to settle for killing his fans.

So don't blame guns, don't blame Hollywood, and don't blame the weird nerd in the Riddler costume. The only thing we need to ban here is homicidal retards. BTW, The movie rocks. Go see that shit, and stop being a pussy. Sure, going to the movies didn't work out too well for Dillinger, but I'm pretty sure you'll be safe.

 

2012 Half Time Review

It's half-time for 2012, and so far it's been a pretty shitty game. The only ones to score have been the cannibal killers who have gone all out this year. Here are some of the highlights:

* Homos go from being outsiders to being mainstream bores as everyone ruses to kiss their asses this election year. Now deprived of their anti-establishment creds, they can no longer hang with the cool outsider people or have movies about them seem to be subversive or cutting edge.

*Republicans continue to self destruct to the point they are now hated by anyone who does not have several hundred thousand in the bank, or who does not believe Adam and Eve had a dinosaur farm.

*A CGI Hulk struck a blow for all cartoons when he out acted all live performers who ever appeared in films ever. 

*I stole a fishing poll. I still hate fish and all things that are concerned with them in anyway, but having a fishing poll with you when the cops catch you out in a boat at 2AM means they might buy your story and not drag the lake. 

Fatty Replaced By Robot?!

My perverted pal, Tony,AKA Fatty Smells, has been acting kinda weird lately. I strongly suspect his ex and her boyfriend, Mr. Twitchy (Pictured at left)have done away with Fatty and replaced him with a robot. Now, instead of crawling around the French Quarter on all fours and in the nude, begging strange men to masturbate on his ass, he keeps his clothes on. Before I see about putting his mug on a milk carton, I need to be sure the real Fatty is MIA. Everybody who sees him ( or the robot that looks like him) should urinate on him. If it is a robot it will short out. If it is the real deal he will take off his pants and drop to his knees!

Another Easter

Arrgh! It's that time of year again! Easter! I FUCKING HATE FUCKING EASTER!!!!! I hate the fucking eggs. I hate the fucking candy. I hate the shitty baskets filled with shitty fake grass. I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!

This year, I've decided to change things up a bit. Just for the hell of it, I have decided to replace all of those colored eggs with hairballs and used tampons. Just think of the fun junior will have trying to eat that shit! And, as an added bonus, each Easter basket will be personally delivered by a morbidly obese hooker! She, of course, be completely naked except for whatever bandages are necessary to cover her lesions and track marks. For a small fee, each of my unwashed and unshaved Easter assistants will linger at your home to service dad (or mom) while the little ones sift through their baskets of broken glass and razor blades in search of those delicious sanitary napkins! It doesn't get any better than this!

Some Old Bullshit

Some people have been asking about some of the bunny toons I've spewed out over the years, so I decided to dig some up. Most of them involve Fatty getting killed or humilated in some way, so I'm sure they're still relevant.