Monday, November 30, 2009

Gay Marriage

How would I solve the gay marriage issue? I'd fucking outlaw marriage! If two homos want to screw up their lives by getting married who am I to get involved? It blows my mind there are freaks who sit up at night with their Bibles worrying about this shit. For me the real question we should be asking is why should anyone get married. You're a moron and you wanna be married, then you're married. Why go out and pay somebody else to tell you you are? That marriage shit is all just a state of mind, a delusion suffered by people afraid they might not find somebody else dumb enough to fuck them. You don't need the fucking government for that kind of shit.

And remember, folks GOD HATES YOU!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

All Washed up!

I'm into kinky shit as much as the next guy, but I gotta draw the line at golden showers. You wanna empty your bladder go do it in a toilet; my mouth is dirty enough as it is.

Why do I bring this up today? Maybe it has something to do with a hoe named Paula who had no fucking control over her bodily functions. I've heard of fucking the piss out of somebody, but this

chick took it to extremes. Every time she got off she would hose the guy down. Some gratitude there! Anyway, she died today. She starved to death because nobody wanted to pay to get pissed on. There's a moral there somewhere, but I hate morals so I ain't bothering to look for it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Socialism And Other Horrors!

If I have to hear one more rant about the evils of socialism I'm going to gut myself with a rusty spoon! Today I actually heard some guy saying he didn't want government health care because the government health care he is on is too slow. If it sucks so bad why the fuck are you using it, jackass?!

The guy then went on to say that if Obama has his way nobody will have a chance to get rich. Guess what, YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO BE RICH ANYWAY!  Never mind that Obama has no intention of turning the USA into Stalinist Russia. Your chances of winning the lottery, having some rich uncle die and leave you a million, or even holding down a steady job are pretty fucking slim.

You are poor. You are already using government social programs to survive. You are a leech and a dumb ass.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Timeless Holiday Classic!

Today is Boob Day, so I guess I should sit you kids down and tell you the story of The Little Bunny Who Got Crushed By His Old Lady's Mams!



One day the Easter Bunny was drunk and looking to get up on one of his favorite hoes. The only problem was he still wasn't fucked up enough to do his thing. His stash box being empty, he wandered out into the cold dark night in search of some shit that would get him fucked up for real.

His quest led him to the funky ass lab where they do all the experiments on the helpless little mice. There he found some glowing juice that tasted like it had been strained out of a dead hooker's twat, but did the trick. The Bunny was flying high! Feeling better, he headed off to hunt down some poon.

He found it on Royal, and had her all striped down and ready for action when something strange and magical happened. As the Bunny reached for his zipper, he began to shrink. Within seconds he was no bigger than a fucking action figure. Seeing those giant boobs he dove right in.


Sadly he was crushed between the monstrous mams, and never made it to the caverns below. He woke up about ten hours later in a holding cell, restored to full size, but feeling like somebody had stuffed his head with shit and heated it up.

The moral of the tale? BOOB DAY FUCKING SUCKS!!!!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Feminine Guy Beats the Shit Out of a Fat Girl -

Bye Bye Big T

That's what I get for buying cheap tires. I've been getting tires for the Bunnymobile for years at Big T's, this little hole in the wall joint, for years. Why pay fucking 75 bucks for a tire when you can pay $25? Sure, they didn't always have that much tred on them, and God only knows where the fuck they came from, but the shit was cheap, and they slapped 'em on fast.

Today I had a blow out. Even worse, my fucking spare was flat. I borrowed a car from one of my hoes, tossed the tire in the trunk, and headed for Big T's. After getting my new wheel, I headed back to the Bunnymobile where I noticed the other front tire looked worse than the one that had popped. I decided to head back to T's.

I figured I was lucky I made it there, since chunks of the tire were falling off as I pulled into the patch of dirt that passed for T's parking lot. WIthin minutes the Bunnymobile was jacked up and the tire was inside being pulled from the rim.

I barely had time to light a smoke when one of the guys started shouting some shit about a fire. I watched as one guy made a lame attempt to spray the shit with a hose, and another guy tried the fire extinguisher. That all stopped when the flames went as high as the roof. It only took minutes for the whole joint to be engulfed in flames, and it was spreading to the trees the shack was nestled in between.

I pointed out to one of the guys that it might be a good idea to put a tire on my fucking car so I could get it out of there, but he just shrugged and reminded me my rim, and all of the tires were in the middle of the blaze. I'd have to make it out on my flat ass spare. I pulled it out of the trunk and tossed it to the guy who started hitting the lugs with the air gun. Just then an air compressor in the building blew, shooting fire at us.

"Get in your car," he shouted, jumping back, the lug nuts barely on. He didn't need to tell me twice. I put it in reverse and limped out of there, trying hard to move fast without tearing the spare off the rim.

Turns out there is another used tire joint right across the street, and it also turns out they are even cheaper. I could have been getting my tires for $20 instead of $25!!!