Monday, March 29, 2010

Easter Sucks!

I fucking hate being the fucking Easter Bunny! I've been almost enjoying myself, listening to the screwballs on Fox cry like little bitches because of health care, and now I have to stop what I'm doing and go paint some fucking eggs!

Knowing how much I despise children, you might wonder how I could be for something like health care. It's because the Republicans hate it, that's why! I want to be the one who ruins every one's life! Me! What fun is it to shatter dreams if the Republicans have already beat me to it? I want everyone to be well off and happy so when I suck the joy out of their lives it will fucking mean something!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Check The Bushes!

I'm still laying low after my plan to smuggle pain pills from Mexico in the vaginas of women too nasty to be searched flopped. Seems there are some cops who are willing to wade into anything, no matter how bad it smells.

I would, however like to peek my head out from the undisclosed location where I always hole up when the heat is on, to say goodbye to a guy I knew who just croaked in one of our local hospitals. Kinda makes me almost regret replacing all the plasma with red jello. Sorry, Alex.

Holy fuck! I just found out Davy Crockett dropped too! I can't tell you how much fun I used to have replacing little kid's coonskin hats with real rabid raccoons back in the day! All you had to do was dope the coon up so it would sleep long enough for the kid to put it on, sit back and enjoy the show. It really was a happier time.