Friday, October 22, 2010

Halloween Horrors!

PhotobucketIt's almost that time again. Pretty soon a horde of snotty little kids will brave the ten foot wall and acid moat to knock on my door and hit me up for some crappy treats. I HATE KIDS! Still, the ones who make it past the wolves and Punjab sticks sometimes can prove useful as pawns in my criminal enterprises. At thye very least I can sell them as slaves or part them out to medical labs. As usual, I'll be giving out cigarettes and hypodermic needles, so if you are a kid, and you're not afraid of land mines and vicious rabid beasts, stop on by.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Easter Bunny On Aging

Can anybody tell me why the fuck Yoko Ono looks better in her 70s than she did at 35? There's gotta be some kind of weird voodoo shit going on there. It can't even be all of those millions in the bank that's doing it. If that were the case George Lucas would look like a teenager. Nope, it's gotta be voodoo.

     I'm an immortal Easter Bunny, so I've been around for awhile. I've seen a lot of mother fuckers come and go. In general, people just don't age as

fast as they used to age. Today, a broad of 60 looks like a broad of 35 would have looked 30 years ago. It used to be by the time they were 40 they were putting their hair up in a bun and keeping their teeth in a jar at night. These days the only ones who look their age are the drunks.

    On the flip side, girls are sprouting boobs earlier. By the time most of them hit 14 they look like full grown women. It's getting so you can't tell the 14 and the 40 year olds apart! What does this mean? It means that, because chicks look better longer, they accumulate a lot more miles on the cat. Guys hit it earlier, more often and longer. So, even though they might look OK, you still have to trade them in just as often as you did before. Hell, with so many decent looking chicks out there it's almost your duty to get to as many of them as you can.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Spaced Out

There's nothing worse than a damn alien from outer space! I hate those guys! They're even worse than zombies! That's why I really hate shit like ET or any other movie where you have cute friendly aliens. Aliens ain't cute and the sure as hell ain't friendly! Most of them are amorphous blobs of foul smelling goo with no other goals than to mate with earth women and to impersonate political figures. I can handle the whole replacing our politicians with alien duplicates thing, but I don't dig them stinking up my women! Ever been with a chick after she's screwed an alien? Well let me tell you, it ain't a good experience! I'm still sore form the time one tried to impregnate me with that space seed shit an alien implanted in her!
Do your part! Kill and flush an alien today!!!