Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Inglourious Basterds

Genre: Romantic Comedy
I hate to like anything, but I gotta say THIS SHIT WAS WORTH THE RISK I TOOK STEALING IT FROM WALMART! Don't wait! Steal your copy today!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Internet Gangsterism!

Be on the lookout for a new version of an old scam. You get a warning saying you got some fucked up virus shit on your PC. It all looks like an official Windows message. You click on the shit and it downloads an anti-virus program THAT PROCEEDS TO FUCK UP YOUR COMPUTER UNTIL YOU PAY THEM FIFTY BUCKS TO DOWNLOAD THE FULL VERSION! It's a fucking protection racket in digital form!

Not a bad idea, but not as fun as the virus that turns your cursor into a cartoon dick.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Wolfman

Genre: Horror
I'm just glad people are making werewolf movies again where the werewolf isn't a just fucking big dog. Who the fuck wants to see that? When I see a werewolf movie I want to see a hairy guy with fangs who has hands so he can open doors and shit. When special effects advanced to the point where you could have a guy turn into a wolf, everybody jumped on the band wagon and made movies where guys drop down on all fours and grow tails. You got a lot of cool transformation scenes, but boring werewolves.
While this film ain't perfect, it does give us a werewolf who can kick some serious ass. It takes more than a dog catcher to slow this dude down.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Ouija Outrage!

People are actually tripping out over Hasbro's new gay ass pink ouija board. They say ouija boards are portals to hell, and that they are scary and dangerous. GET A FUCKING CLUE! You ain't going to find the fucking gateway to hell with a Hasbro logo on it, dumb ass! This shit is fucking mass produced! Whatever happened to the days when people had to search for years, and offer up the hearts of babies and shit to get spooky occult powers? Now you're telling me can find it all on the shelf at fucking Walmart?!
The only weird mystery here is that somebody found a way to get people to pay for a piece of plastic and a board. "Hey look! It does nothing at all! You push the plastic thing around with your fingers and pretend you are talking to ghosts! I'll take twenty of 'em!" Fucking morons!