Arrgh! It's that time of year again! Easter! I FUCKING HATE FUCKING EASTER!!!!! I hate the fucking eggs. I hate the fucking candy. I hate the shitty baskets filled with shitty fake grass. I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!
This year, I've decided to change things up a bit. Just for the hell of it, I have decided to replace all of those colored eggs with hairballs and used tampons. Just think of the fun junior will have trying to eat that shit! And, as an added bonus, each Easter basket will be personally delivered by a morbidly obese hooker! She, of course, be completely naked except for whatever bandages are necessary to cover her lesions and track marks. For a small fee, each of my unwashed and unshaved Easter assistants will linger at your home to service dad (or mom) while the little ones sift through their baskets of broken glass and razor blades in search of those delicious sanitary napkins! It doesn't get any better than this!