Monday, January 16, 2012

Why Blacks Hip And Hop

I asked a black pal of mine why so many blacks these days seem to have lost all sense of cool. How is it, I wondered, that the guys who gave us Hendrix, Chuck Berry, and Cab Calloway now give us "sampling" and baggy pants?

He just punched me in the gut (he does shit like that) and laughed. "The black man invented Jazz,"he said. "Then we invented Rock and Roll. We gave the world some of the best musicians and the coolest mother fuckers who ever lived. What happened? Shit like Elvis happened! Bo and Chuck come up with some shit and the hillbilly white boy steals it and makes it big! For generations white people have been putting us down while stealing our shit and pretending it was all their idea in the first fucking place."

I started to add my two cents and took another one to the gut.

"Anyway," he continued "white people have no idea what the fuck cool is. Look at the shit they came up with that didn't start with us." I thought of disco and that whole urban cowboy thing and nodded in agreement as I inched my way toward the bottle of Thunderbird under his chair.

"Well one day we just decided it would be funny to throw some stupid shit out there just so we could laugh when whitey started copying us. Sure enough all the white kids started wearing their pants around their ankles and paying good money for songs with no music. Fuck! We got bothers making millions who couldn't even tap out the alphabet song with a spoon."

His foot came down on my paw just as I grabbed the bottle. His other heel came down hard on the back of my head. As the room started to spin I thought of all the white kids running around wearing backwards ball caps with the price tag still hanging off them. I had to admit, the plan had worked. I coughed up a blob of blood staggered out to the Bunnymobile to get my rod. Yep. The fucker was still loaded and ready to make some holes. This would be the last time I'd get kicked in the fucking head!

Then I heard it. Shit! he'd found my fucking guitar and had started to jam. And I'm talking about the coolest fucking riffs this side of Bo Diddley. Damn. He always pulled that shit. I put the gun back in the glovebox and found my cell. I got more free pussy from hanging out with that guy when he played like that than I did hanging out with Dan The Coke Man. Sometimes you just gotta take your lumps.


  1. I wondered how we went from Shaft to saggy.

  2. That's why you don't fuck with the darkside!

  3. So that is why all those kids are dressed like that. I thought it was a little early for halloween.