Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Zombies Suck!

All I fucking hear about these days are zombies! They're in books, at the movies and on TV. They're also all over the fucking place down here in New Orleans AND THEY SUCK! These sad ass clowns are more retarded lost tourists than monsters. First of all they don't eat people. Trust me, I've tried to feed these bastards on many occasions, and they really just don't give a fuck about human flesh. Nope, that shit was all made up for the movies. These guys just want to stumble about, stinking up every place they go.

New Orleans is second only to Hati when it comes to Voodoo, and that's where these goofs come from. Some screwy voodoo guy decides the local illegal immigrants cost too much, so he digs up some slaves. Who do you think cleans up all the shit and used jimmies after mardi Gras? Zombies.

The good news is you don't have to even shoot them in the head to take them out. Just feed them some salt. No shit, it works. Whenever I see these freaks I always buy them a pack of salted peanuts and laugh my ass off as they suddenly remember they are dead and go back to the grave. This hobby hasn't exactly endeared me to the Voodoo priests. The up side of this is all the money I make selling Easter Bunny voodoo dolls. I make a mint and barely even notice the pin pricks. Fuck Voodoo!


  1. We never had that problem in New York.

  2. I think your jealous, because there dead and your not.

  3. Maybe. Sometimes being an immortal holiday icon sucks. OK, it always sucks.