@#$#@$%@%$@%$!!!! Today I woke up with another fucking chupacabra in my fucking bed! Damn! Why the fuck do I have to fucking drink so much?! Sure, the chupacabra is a good lay, but 
those fuckers always shit in the bed, and then half the time they eat it. And no, I don't mean they eat their shit. They fucking eat my bed! I can't tell you how many times I've had to replace my bed because some lousy chupacabra either ate it, or covered it in her nasty crypto-thing funk. Aside from the mess and the unholy stink those things give off, the worst part is it's hard as hell to get any other type of creature to let you screw her after they find out you've been with a chupacabra. Sure, you can lie about the shit, but nine times out of ten a chick can smell that shit on you. No matter how often you hose yourself down it always takes weeks to get rid of that stink. In the meantime, the only thing you can find that will let you bang it is another filthy chupacabra, and the whole thing
starts all over again! It's worse than screwing space squids! Anyway, I need a new fucking bed, so somebody please send me one, AND NOT ONE SOMEBODY DIED IN!!!! I HATE THAT SHIT!!!
A FEW FROM MY PERSONAL COLLECTION
ReplyDeleteI feel ashamed to say that last picture kinda got me hard. I think I'll just go find me a goat and get the hose ready.
ReplyDeleteUm ... excuse me? You cheated on me with WHAT???
ReplyDelete*lifts her chin high*
*storms out*
*storms back in*
*retrieves her suitcase of sex toys from under the soiled bed*
See if I even slather YOUR asshole with peanut butter again. Easter or no Easter, you stay away from my basket!
*storms back out*
Hey! It's only cheating if I do it with a human! Urban legends and shit like that don't count! Oh, and just for future reference, in case it should happen to come up, midgets and donkeys don't count either.
ReplyDeleteWell .. since it's you, and you're so hung, I guess I'll forgive you. Now c'mere ...
ReplyDeleteI'll be right there as soon as I can ditch this yeti I picked up last night at Spanky's. You have to be diplomatic about ditching a yeti since they don't tend to take rejection very well.
ReplyDeleteWell neither does your fiance. Hurry up, the honey I heated-up is cooling, and my nips are getting soft.
ReplyDelete