Thursday, December 15, 2011

New Batman Trailer And Other Horrors!

   Ha! I just saw the trailer for that Dark Knight Rises movie that's coming out next year, and let me tell you, IT SUCKS!!! First of all it has none of the same cast as the last picture. Having spent the entire budget on drinks for the crew, they had to go with a bunch of no-name actors. They did have a few top stars, but these guys were all actually dead, so I don't expect too much drama from them.

I couldn't believe the shit I was seeing when I pulled up the bootleg video on that top secret website yesterday! For one thing Batman is wearing some shitty thing with mouse ears and it looks like he has tits! I'm not sure who the fuck that is playing him, but it looks a little like Chas Bono.

Catwoman is played by a chick in an old Ben Cooper Halloween mask they must have found in some body's attic. Bitch doesn't even have a tail! Halfway through the thing the string on her mask broke and everybody pretended not to notice while she pranced around making stupid ass cat quips. In one scene she made Batman vomit by feeding a live mouse to her crotch, and then kicked him in the balls until he pissed himself. (OK, that part was actually kinda cool.)

And instead of the Joker, who was played by a guy who is now dead, we get "Bela Lugosi, Master of Horror," a dead actor played by a cardboard cutout. That's right, in this film Batman fights a poster of Dracula.

At one point "The Master of Horror" teams up with Frankenberry. I guess they figured if they kept referring to Frankenberry as Bane people wouldn't notice Batman was fighting a cereal mascot.

Either Nolan has gone nuts, or this is some kind of trick to fool those of us who want a peek at this shit before it comes out. I've heard that Nolan guy lives to fuck with people who try to figure out what he is up to. Maybe the actual film will be nothing like this. Maybe the real film will feature Count Chocula.