My Easter Nightmare!

I'm posting this from some chick's house while she is out looking for bunny food. I stopped by to do my Easter thing, and the crazy bitch thought I was part of her Easter surprise. Now she has me  trapped and wants to feed me lettuce and shit! If anybody is in Bangpor Alaska and has a bazooka, COME GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

Easter Sucks!

I fucking hate being the fucking Easter Bunny! I've been almost enjoying myself, listening to the screwballs on Fox cry like little bitches because of health care, and now I have to stop what I'm doing and go paint some fucking eggs!

Knowing how much I despise children, you might wonder how I could be for something like health care. It's because the Republicans hate it, that's why! I want to be the one who ruins every one's life! Me! What fun is it to shatter dreams if the Republicans have already beat me to it? I want everyone to be well off and happy so when I suck the joy out of their lives it will fucking mean something!

Check The Bushes!

I'm still laying low after my plan to smuggle pain pills from Mexico in the vaginas of women too nasty to be searched flopped. Seems there are some cops who are willing to wade into anything, no matter how bad it smells.

I would, however like to peek my head out from the undisclosed location where I always hole up when the heat is on, to say goodbye to a guy I knew who just croaked in one of our local hospitals. Kinda makes me almost regret replacing all the plasma with red jello. Sorry, Alex.

Holy fuck! I just found out Davy Crockett dropped too! I can't tell you how much fun I used to have replacing little kid's coonskin hats with real rabid raccoons back in the day! All you had to do was dope the coon up so it would sleep long enough for the kid to put it on, sit back and enjoy the show. It really was a happier time.

Inglourious Basterds

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Romantic Comedy

I hate to like anything, but I gotta say THIS SHIT WAS WORTH THE RISK I TOOK STEALING IT FROM WALMART! Don't wait! Steal your copy today!

Internet Gangsterism!

Be on the lookout for a new version of an old scam. You get a warning saying you got some fucked up virus shit on your PC. It all looks like an official Windows message. You click on the shit and it downloads an anti-virus program THAT PROCEEDS TO FUCK UP YOUR COMPUTER UNTIL YOU PAY THEM FIFTY BUCKS TO DOWNLOAD THE FULL VERSION! It's a fucking protection racket in digital form!

Not a bad idea, but not as fun as the virus that turns your cursor into a cartoon dick.

The Wolfman

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Horror

I'm just glad people are making werewolf movies again where the werewolf isn't a just fucking big dog. Who the fuck wants to see that? When I see a werewolf movie I want to see a hairy guy with fangs who has hands so he can open doors and shit. When special effects advanced to the point where you could have a guy turn into a wolf, everybody jumped on the band wagon and made movies where guys drop down on all fours and grow tails. You got a lot of cool transformation scenes, but boring werewolves.
While this film ain't perfect, it does give us a werewolf who can kick some serious ass. It takes more than a dog catcher to slow this dude down.

Ouija Outrage!

Rating:
Category:	Other

People are actually tripping out over Hasbro's new gay ass pink ouija board. They say ouija boards are portals to hell, and that they are scary and dangerous. GET A FUCKING CLUE! You ain't going to find the fucking gateway to hell with a Hasbro logo on it, dumb ass! This shit is fucking mass produced! Whatever happened to the days when people had to search for years, and offer up the hearts of babies and shit to get spooky occult powers? Now you're telling me can find it all on the shelf at fucking Walmart?!
The only weird mystery here is that somebody found a way to get people to pay for a piece of plastic and a board. "Hey look! It does nothing at all! You push the plastic thing around with your fingers and pretend you are talking to ghosts! I'll take twenty of 'em!" Fucking morons!