After going to all the trouble to set up my latest evil plan using subliminal messages, I found subliminal messages don't work! That's right, it's all bullshit! It's a good thing I found this out so I could abandon my plans and never try to use subliminal messages to take over all of your minds.
In fact I'm turning over a whole new leaf! From now on I'm going to be a paragon of sweetness and 
| Rating: | ★★★★★ |
| Category: | Movies |
| Genre: | Action & Adventure |
What's with this new tobacco tax bullshit?! Fuck! Pretty soon smokes will be so fucking expensive it will be a fucking felony to steal a carton!
Today I was in Paul's Stop 'N Blow, bitching about the price of smokes, when this cunt with a fur coat that looked like she had tore it up off some body's floor started in on me. Before I could shove my paw in her mouth, she blurted out that line about second hand smoke being worse for people than smoking. I HATE THAT STUPID ASS SHIT!!!! I roll the smoke around in my mouth, suck it down into my lungs, and blow it out my nose. How the hell does the jerk standing next to me who sniffs at it as it floats by get a bigger dose? Bullshit!
I lit a cigar and stuffed it up her nose. "There, bitch," I said, watching her nose light up like a bulb on a Christmas tree. " Now it's not second hand. Looks like I just saved your life."
I took her purse to compensate me for the cigar my good deed had cost me and rolled out.
Paul is going to be pissed at me for immolating another of his customers, so I'm going to have to steal another fire extinguisher to make it up to him. So far he's gone through eleven, and people are starting to lock them up, so I guess I'll have to steal a bolt cutter first. Seems to me like all this anti-smoking crap just leads to more crime.
@#$#@$%@%$@%$!!!! Today I woke up with another fucking chupacabra in my fucking bed! Damn! Why the fuck do I have to fucking drink so much?! Sure, the chupacabra is a good lay, but 
those fuckers always shit in the bed, and then half the time they eat it. And no, I don't mean they eat their shit. They fucking eat my bed! I can't tell you how many times I've had to replace my bed because some lousy chupacabra either ate it, or covered it in her nasty crypto-thing funk. Aside from the mess and the unholy stink those things give off, the worst part is it's hard as hell to get any other type of creature to let you screw her after they find out you've been with a chupacabra. Sure, you can lie about the shit, but nine times out of ten a chick can smell that shit on you. No matter how often you hose yourself down it always takes weeks to get rid of that stink. In the meantime, the only thing you can find that will let you bang it is another filthy chupacabra, and the whole thing
starts all over again! It's worse than screwing space squids! Anyway, I need a new fucking bed, so somebody please send me one, AND NOT ONE SOMEBODY DIED IN!!!! I HATE THAT SHIT!!!
I can almost stand up now. What fucking day is it anyway? Fuck! The last thing I remember was hanging with this chick I met somewhere Magazine Street. I think I screwed her, and then I seem to remember screwing somebody else. I don't remember puking, but I had the shit all over my fucking fur when I came to and pulled myself out of that dumpster, so I guess I did. Unless that puke was somebody else's. Fuck.
I remember smoking a joint with Frankenstein and something that looked a little like an extra gay Mickey Mouse, and I think I fucked them both too. Not real sure about that shit though. There was something about a big freaky ass bird that ate circus animals and shit in people's
hurricanes, but that might have just been the acid. 
Only about seven people got shot at the parades this year, so I must have passed out early. If anyone knows anything about what else I might have done between Tuesday and now DON'T FUCKING TELL ME! I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO KNOW!!!!!
If ever you go to the parades DO NOT BUY A HOT 
DOG FROM A CLOWN!!!!
I fucked up and got a fucking hot dog Friday and 
