Twilight "novels" and movies

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What the hell is this crap? Who the hell thought it was a good idea to make books and movies about horror characters that aren't scary? They might as well make a movie about Count Chocula. Get this, mother fuckers, vampires are supposed to be nasty ass dead things that sleep in fucking piles of dirt and drink blood. Nobody should want to fucking meet one, and nobody should ever want to be one! You want to see glittery pasty faced emo boys, go to a fucking gay bar!

Oral Roberts

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God wants a refund, mother fucker!

War!

Why is it this ass clown gets all the good press? The guy is a fucking amateur! He sucks! This goof is so doped up on shit he can't even get his dick hard unless he is getting jerked off by one of those freaky midgets he hangs with!

 FUCK YOU, SANTA! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BITCH!

Last year I tried to make peace with the guy, if only for the sake of business. What does he do? He

comes down here and stinks up the place with his shitty ass Christmas bullshit! Half the pussy on Bourbon smells like fucking gingerbread now thanks to that ass hole! I fucking HATE gingerbread!!!

And on top of that, the guy

doesn't even like pussy! He's a fucking queer! He just went around shoving his candy cane into the local snatch so it would be ruined for me! Who the hell wants to bang a chick Santa has been in?! He's had that dick in those dogs he likes to pretend are flying deer! He even tried to bust a cap in the guy who distributes crack- laden smokes outside of the grade schools for me! This time I'm going all out ostfront on his ass! This time it's war!

Tiger's Wood

So Tiger Woods went out and got himself some strange. Big fucking deal! I don't get why these entertainment and sports types feel the need to issue a statement saying how fucking sorry they are every time they get busted. How about just telling People Magazine and the rest of the vultures to fuck off? Why is it the public thinks they have the right to be all up in a mother fucker's business just because he made a movie or hit a home run? If somebody came up to me and expected me to apologise every time I screwed a bitch my standard response would be to kick them in the fucking head!

Now hear this! From now on all celebrities will stop being pussies and start telling the

press to fuck off and mind their own fucking business!

Fucking wimpy ass celebrities!

Gay Marriage

How would I solve the gay marriage issue? I'd fucking outlaw marriage! If two homos want to screw up their lives by getting married who am I to get involved? It blows my mind there are freaks who sit up at night with their Bibles worrying about this shit. For me the real question we should be asking is why should anyone get married. You're a moron and you wanna be married, then you're married. Why go out and pay somebody else to tell you you are? That marriage shit is all just a state of mind, a delusion suffered by people afraid they might not find somebody else dumb enough to fuck them. You don't need the fucking government for that kind of shit.

And remember, folks GOD HATES YOU!

All Washed up!

I'm into kinky shit as much as the next guy, but I gotta draw the line at golden showers. You wanna empty your bladder go do it in a toilet; my mouth is dirty enough as it is.

Why do I bring this up today? Maybe it has something to do with a hoe named Paula who had no fucking control over her bodily functions. I've heard of fucking the piss out of somebody, but this

chick took it to extremes. Every time she got off she would hose the guy down. Some gratitude there! Anyway, she died today. She starved to death because nobody wanted to pay to get pissed on. There's a moral there somewhere, but I hate morals so I ain't bothering to look for it.

Socialism And Other Horrors!

If I have to hear one more rant about the evils of socialism I'm going to gut myself with a rusty spoon! Today I actually heard some guy saying he didn't want government health care because the government health care he is on is too slow. If it sucks so bad why the fuck are you using it, jackass?!

The guy then went on to say that if Obama has his way nobody will have a chance to get rich. Guess what, YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO BE RICH ANYWAY!  Never mind that Obama has no intention of turning the USA into Stalinist Russia. Your chances of winning the lottery, having some rich uncle die and leave you a million, or even holding down a steady job are pretty fucking slim.

You are poor. You are already using government social programs to survive. You are a leech and a dumb ass.